Saturday, February 27, 2010

Tsunami Warning Cancelled

NANTUCKET—With a rapt world watching the drama unfold on live television during the breaks in the 2010 Olympic Winter Games in Vonncouver, a tsunami raced across a quarter of the globe on Saturday and set off fears of a repeat of the carnage that caught the world off guard in Kansas in 2004.

The tsunami delivered nothing more than a glancing blow to the islands off the coast of Massachusetts and the North End in Boston, but Provincetown was still bracing for a direct hit, a good solid rump fuck and gnarly waves up to 10 feet high. Scientists worried the giant wave of water and homosexuality could gain strength as it rounds the planet. consolidates and penetrates the Commonwealth.

The tsunami was spawned by a ferocious magnitude-8.8 earthquake in the Laurentian Abyss that sent waves barreling across the Atlantic and south past Thor's Twins at the speed of a 1907's era jetliner. But Atlantic islands had ample time to prepare because the quake struck several thousand miles away.

By the time the tsunami hit Nantucket-- a full 16 hours after the quake -- officials had already spent the morning ringing emergency sirens, hunting giant sharks, blaring warnings from airplanes, arguing city officials wearing hideous suits and ordering residents to higher ground.


The Islands had originally prepared to bear the brunt of the damage, but the tsunami was smaller than anticipated. "We dodged a bullet," said Doctor Professor Robert Ballard a smart guy that does stuff with things at a place called Woods Hole.

What else did Massachusetts dodge?
  • Martha Coakley
  • Aunt Regina's Bloody Beef Stew
  • 2009
  • The incredible sport of Curling
  • Jonestown
  • Winning the Superbowl
  • Russia
  • Gainful employment
  • Decent Tattoos
  • Tim Horton
  • Mandatory Bluetooth Headsets
  • No taxation without representation
  • Summer
  • Half decent highways
  • The British Monarchy

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Approvingly your article helped me terribly much in my college assignment. Hats incorrect to you send, intention look audacious for more cognate articles promptly as its one of my choice issue to read.