Hints For First Dates

Women are freaking fiesty. So, let's say you go on a date with one. What can you do but cry? I have some hints. JIHAD!

- Walk a fine line. Be just disrespectful enough to earn her contempt and love. Instance, tell her you like her hair, and then giggle in a a soft high voice.

- Take some time to tug on her shirt from the back.

- Whisper 'Pig" everytime she takes a bit of food.

- Hold the door for her, but remind her she's lucky because the doors are heavy.

- Add the words 'missionary' and 'position' into almost every sentence, like "Hey, what's your position on those misssionaries that fuck each other face to face?"

- Spill your drink and tell her that your mom always gets you a new one when you spill.

- Ask her if she's seen a movie before. Say, 'good' no matter what she responds.

- Tell her you don't get out much due to that last witch you dated.

- Insist you know every other person and try to prove it by screamig a random name and waiving.

- Play with change in your pocket and mumble "It itches. Help."

- Say "Date with you will last forever" in a robot voice every once in a while.

- Take her to a Mexican restaurant and claim to love it, but make nasty comments about latinos under your breath.

- Ask her to come back to your place and clean the toilets for five bucks.

- Throw bits of napkin at her if she looks away for a second.

- Ask her if she wants to trade names for a bit, so you can be SallySluts-a-Lot.

- Buy her flowers, but don't give them to her, because "Flowers are for Closers."

- Say her name really loud and point to her at random.

- Ask to braid her hair 'like dolly'.

- Tell her to squint like a chinaman.

- Use words like damp and moist often.

- Buy her pads and tell her you knew she'd need them eventually.

There are many other ways to woo the ladies, but you won't need them. Ever. Zeus is going to destroy the world in nine days.