A Letter From The Editor

Dear Asshole,

How did you reproduce so quickly?

I've always known there were assholes like you but I don't recall there being so many of you when I was younger. Now, it seems, you're in every other car, performing a variety of customer service functions throughout the nation and you appear to be running the governments of nearly every single country from here to Tahiti and back again.

I ask you, sir: what the fuck, asshole?

Look, I think we can make this work so you can go about your business and I can go about mine. I'm trying really hard to just get through this life in one piece so please take your visual and verbal vomiting out back or somewhere else where I can't see it.

Please understand that I fully realize you can't change your behavior and you've clearly multiplied across the species like a bad virus in my bloodstream.

So, I won't freak the fuck out or smash your fucking face inside out or come back in such a way that all you hear is the faint cocking of a hammer on steel.

No, no. That's not like me!

And, honestly, I think it's not like you either. So, please, asshole and all your asshole friends and your whole fucking asshole family, just be cool and let's all try to help each other out, OK? Is that cool?

Oh, and can we also try to do it in English when we're in the United fucking States of fucking god damn America? I mean, sure, maybe we should all be speaking Navajo or Iroquois or one of those mostly-dead languages but we're not doing that either. Believe me, I realize they were here first, but we're here now.

So, use your real name, talk to me clearly and be cool.

Is it really that hard, asshole?

With love,
Cap'n Flak