How to save a friend from the brink (or not)

For five days, Alexis Moore carefully planned how she would take her own life. She's not a violent person, so she knew handguns and IEDs were out. She settled on vodka instead, to be followed by a bottle of Xanax.

She did it methodically. First, she put on a pink button down shirt and a pair of khaki pants. Next, she says she drank the vodka for two hours. Then she lined up the 20 pills on the kitchen counter, taking a few at a time, going to her bedroom to cry, cried out "don't judge me" a few times and then kept going back for more Xanax.

After about six pills, just when she was beginning to feel woozy and lethargic, Moore heard a knock on the door and someone calling her name. She ignored him, even though she recognized the voice as someone she'd meet three days before at a business event. Then the man came around and banged on her bedroom window. She got up off the bed where she'd been sobbing and let him in.

They sat down in her living room. She talked. He listened. By the end of the evening, she decided not to take her life.

In the five years since, she's never tried to commit suicide again. Awesome.

But, if you were ever in that situation, what should you AVOID saying in order to keep someone from doing the final deed?

• Tell Gozer the Gozarian that Ray says hello.
• Are you OK with a wooden coffin? It's cheaper.
  
• I wonder if I could sell your corpse pictures to the Enquirer?
• Hang on a sec. This is cool. I want to tweet it.
  
• Tick tock tick tock... let's gooooo!
• So, should I call you Corey Haim now?
• Did you want to update your Facebook status first?
• Well, I guess I should schedule some time to give a shit.
• Can you hurry this up? I want to see if there's any new posts up at The TUB.
• You know, I had no idea you were so fucking selfish.
• Got death yet?
• This video is going to get like a gazillion hits on YouTube.
  
• KTHXBYE.