60% of all Americans have opinions. Some are even about things. Other people don't care. I care. Recently, Obamatron cut all funding to NASA completely, which got me doing the reverse of thinking, opinionizing. I could give a stick covered in shit about space, or the environment, or dental hygiene, or proper grammar and spelling. But I care about the state of the planets.
Pluto got demoted for being too far out, too cold, and too eccentric in its orbit. Fine. Fair enough. But what about Planet Moon? The poor thing never got a shot at planet-hood. This is because the moon is infertile and chained to the earth by a force called gravity. Planet Moon is like a Muslim woman who can't have babies... considered useless by those that should love her anyways. I love her. That rocky, grey, hot and cold giver of strange dreams and Inuit pregnancies. Planet MOON: The Place for WIZARDRY! Full of frozen water vapor and nickel!
Pluto got demoted for being too far out, too cold, and too eccentric in its orbit. Fine. Fair enough. But what about Planet Moon? The poor thing never got a shot at planet-hood. This is because the moon is infertile and chained to the earth by a force called gravity. Planet Moon is like a Muslim woman who can't have babies... considered useless by those that should love her anyways. I love her. That rocky, grey, hot and cold giver of strange dreams and Inuit pregnancies. Planet MOON: The Place for WIZARDRY! Full of frozen water vapor and nickel!
Fuck all the other moons of other planets. Let them stay moons. But Planet Moon, the moon of Earth, should be given a Congressional Dispensation and be nominated to replace Pluto as the 11th planet (you heard me, I'm adding the Sun and the asteroid belt as well). I insist, no I beg that Obama come to his chicken headed senses and increase funding to Planet Moon Advocacy and give NASA a cool red button to shoot lasers off of it.
Of all the things we need to worry about in the dark times, isn't a little light from our friend Planet Moon exactly what we need to keep us from stubbing our toes in the midnight campground of our weary recession? Join me. Join me my friends and let the bloodbath begin!
PLANET MOON WILL RISE OR ALL WILL DIE!
2 comments:
I prefer Titan myself, screw the moon, and screw that tiny thing called Pluto that I could walk across in three hours!
I gotta tell ya, pal, I'm quite happy as is.
By the way, can you tell those 12 dudes that came here like 40 years ago that they abandoned a bunch of shit and I'd like them to come pick it up?
KTHXBYE.
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