Totally Useless Things I have learned from my crazy neighbors

• Train your dog to bite only the people you are racist against.
• Safety should never stand in the way of getting the job done.
• Being a vegetarian is cool but eating tofu is not.
• 1940's era prostitutes in Paris are a hell of a lot of fun.
• If your tee shirt isn't retro-hip, why bother wearing it?
• Always remember to get drunker in the bunker.
• When someone gives you something that's obviously been stolen don't ask if it was stolen.
  
• If at first you don't succeed, get a 30 pack of Coors Light and try, try again. The Silver Bullet makes everything right.
  
• If your commanding officer in Vietnam is too scared to move the military convoy... fuck 'em... do it anyway!
• Bad weather should never come between you and good bonfire.
• If you have pictures of enemies you killed in combat, you should totally share them at dinner time.
• When talking about your wife, it's OK to say things like "I didn't know if I should reel in or pull out."
  
• You can never, ever use too much garlic.
  
• When in doubt, get a tattoo of your fishing boat's name.
• Basements are for suckers.
• You're not littering, you're creating jobs.
  
• It's OK to drive drunk, but it's not OK to... wait... what were we talking about?