More Totally Useless Advice

• Never bring bagels to Nigeria
• All good things come to those who hook
• Steady littering creates jobs
• Planting flowers in human feces only hurts those who smell them
• Believe in Jesus, get a Coke
• When in doubt, reel in and pull out.
• Only a Massachusetts politician could enjoy a phony bomb threat
• Feel free to approach an angry bear
• Tweeting about Twitter is not even slightly like watching porn while fucking
• When in Rome, drink as the Romans drank
• Always cut the blue wire? I think not. Go for the red. I'm positive.