Corporate Advice straight out of The TUB

• If you're giving a presentation to critical customers, senior managers and or your fellow employees always follow these guidelines: "swear, strip, strangle or stress."
• Try hard not to fuck the bosses daughter especially when he's sitting just a few rows in front of you at the ball game.
• Do not, and I can't say this enough, do not post pictures online of you and your cubical mates blowing lines in the bathroom off of each others bare asses. It's not that it's an ethical or moral issue, it's that you have a fat ass.
• The louder you talk on the phone, the more people will believe anything you say.
• Looking for help in the HR department? That's about as useful as looking for blow jobs in the mail room. Wait... never mind.
  
• Always bring pizza to the techies. Those greasy fuckholes love their pipin' hot cheeseburger pies.
• It's perfectly fine to decorate your office walls or cubicles as if you're still 19 years old and living in some sissy pants pot smoke rideen dorm room. Well, maybe it's not perfectly fine but it's OK. Well, it's OK at best. Basically, it's not cool. So, yeah, don't do that.
  
• Everyone thinks it's funny when you mix up all the mail in the corporate mailboxes. Especially when you piss on it first!
  
• If you live by The Law of the Sweater Vest ("always keep your arms cool but your nipples toasty") you will be able to deal with anyone, anytime, anywhere in anyway.
• When reviewing complex spreadsheets remember to eat between a half and a full ounce of mushrooms. Not only will your work suddenly become easier but you'll be seeing golden numbers as if you were an electricity trader at Enron. And then you'll be seeing magic goats and glowing sea bears. Mmmm... sea bears. Those fuckers know how to attack a miserable squid.
  
• Always show up early to meetings and then work as hard as you can to just get the fuck out of there. Why? Look, guys, I don't want to go into this right now. I need to go. I have another meeting in like 3 fucking minutes.