Thursday, April 8, 2010

Today in Totally Useless News

(CNN) - Linda Douglass, a top spokeswoman on health care for the Obama administration, said Thursday she is leaving her post.

"It has been a tremendous honor to serve the President, and leaving this great team is bittersweet," she said in a statement. "After nearly 2 years of work that has been exhilarating and grueling in equal measure, I am going to step off the treadmill for awhile and rediscover the experience of dining with my husband on a regular basis. It has been a privilege to be part of the health care team, and I will be cheering with pride from the sidelines as this historic law takes effect."

What else is Ms. Douglass going to do now?

  • Go to Disneyworld - because meth is wicked cheap in Whorelando
  • Have some chicken, some sex
  • Take 5,000 years to figure out what in the holy fucktits the federal government should really do about health care.
  • Go to Bridgewater, Massachusetts. Take some blue mescaline. Chit chat with God.
  • Finally visit that new Starbucks in Old Alexandria!
  • Join The Order Of The Eastern Star and then give Dan Brown a real run for his money.
  • Test drive a Toyota, smash it into a building, get a settlement by claiming it was speeding out of control and she could not stop it.
  • Watch Caddyshack over and over and over.
  • Hang out with these crazy fuckers.

2 comments:

Chris Dee said...

How about 'shit her pants and wait for the cooling'?

Captain Flak Paperpants said...

Mmm... gritty yet refreshing