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Mx history

Inhaler/Breathing

Notes 2 types of days. Side pain days. Tough to breathe days

4/29 - 

morning. 2 puffs. Some relief. 

8 am to 4 pm worked in basement. 

3:00 burning and difficulty breathing. Inhaler 3:15. Pretty good relief by 3:55

7:10 by 7:22 significant relief only lasted a few minute then got worse. Got better after deep breathing plus forced cough. 

8 pm until 12:30 am rough night breathing. 

4/30

Working upstairs today.  8 am. Standing 88 bpm 99 O2

Coffee, 20 oz water. All meds. 3 small pastries

9 am doing good. 

9:30 a little tougher slight tightness upper chest and tickle. Left cramp below ribs on side

Ate apple. More water 5 min walking around. 

10 am space heater causes some tickle increase and coughing. Low moderate. Small chest tingle/spark left pectoral. 

11 am short pain left lowest rib behind side

11:30 tickle back of nose. Itch/inflammation nasal/upper throat. Dull pain left side constant. 

11:40 Ate lunch. Pasta e cream cheese. Soft taco w beef. Broccoli. 11:45 tried very light cardio. 5 min later chest tightness. Tingle in forearms. Tingle in pectorals. Used inhaler 2 puffs

Noon 3 trips ip and down stairs w heavy boxes. No issue. Chest pain gone. Still occasional tingle left side or left forearm slight shortness of breath. 

12:30 playing w Pat. Kinetic sand. Sun porch w other heater. Spot check O2 was 93 plus 88 pulse but shot up to 99 once I stoped moving and talking. Then stayed at 98 while talking and playing pulse 92 SOB (more like I'm forgetting to breathe deeply?) slight cough when deep breath

12:45 living room. Feel easier to breathe. 

2:30. Anxious. Still some left arm tingles. Working on slow breathing with deep breaths. 

5 pm 3 hours of normal. Some side Pain some tingling. No chest tightness or SOB. No inhaler 

6 pm felt tickle start. Did inhaler. 2x

MAY 1

Overnight woke up midnight SOB. Out to couch. Inhaler. Fell asleep until 7 am. Woke and did short breathing exercise. 

Fine until 9 am. Chest tightness and tickle started. Inhaler x 2. Eating too much?

9:20 typical weird productive cough - feels like something coughed up but nothing actually comes up/out. Relief at 9:30

10:20 tough to breathe in sun room

11:00 am better

11:25 sharp pain below left pectoral went away quick. 

Noon fine so far

Fine until 2. Bent over caused the weird fuzz feeling in lower lungs. Going to try breathing exercises. Slight pain left bleu was ribs. 

Decent until 5 pm. Moved tractor. Short of breathe. Inhaler x 2 Mowed lawn w mask on tractor. 1 hr

6:15. Felt the tightness and lung itch. Laid down on back fir breathing exercises. Felt REALLY good. 

9:15 chest and ribs tired. Bed at 10 pm

May 2

WOW. Slept until 9. I feel good! Typical midnight to 2 am

Average to really good up until 12:15. Inhaler at 12:30 plus breathing exercises.

1:20 still a little chest tickle and start of chest tightness.  

2:00 some forced coughing and breathing  exercise and now relief. Slight tingle in left forearm. Slight tingle/dull pain in rib side area that usually hurts. 

4:00 inhaler pre-hike. Did a mile through hilly terrain. Was fine

6:00 cooking fumes caused issues breathing. Did deep breathing. Some relief by 9 pm. 

10:00 to 2 am did broadcast in basement w new computer set up. No issues until vet close to 2 am. Inhaler at 10 pm and 2 am. Slept until 4 am woke up SOB but ate a bit and back to sleep

May 3 

woke 8 am. So far just tired. French toast cooking. 

Not much today. Did my deep breathing. Inhaler at 3 pm before long hike again. Feels good. Actually yawned a few times today. I haven't yawned much at all since first episode. 

6:30. Very tired but breathing feels easier like how it used to. Bed at 10:30 pm

May 4th. 

Work day. SOB around noon. Inhaler x2.  Chest pain a bit towards the end. Inhaler 7 pm x2. 11 pm inhaler x2.  Broadcast 3 hours in basement. 

Good night sleep 2 am to 8 am. 

May 5th

Okay from 8 am until 11 am. Got much worse later in the day and was difficult to do the late night meeting 7 pm to 10 pm in basement. Got better a bit after. Slept well.  11 to 8 am. 

May 6th

Morning  was good. After 10 am got bad again. Inhaler x 1. A little better. Started again around 3:30. Inhaler x 2 at 4:30. Dizziness new symptom. Only a little chest tightness uncomfortable. Left under pectoral and near spine in back. 

5 pm full blown attack. SOB chest tightness tingling toes and hands. Dizziness. Difficult to talk. 911. Pulse 110 resting. 

BP was sky high 160 over 100 en route. 

Attack lasted 2 hours maybe 3. All tests including ddimer were clean. 

Follow up w Kenny tomorrow. I think I could have controlled it better but so that I could get checked during an attack I went. 

May 7 

rough morning. Inhaler x2 early. Felt better at noon following laying on side. 

Rough from 4 until laying down on side at 6:30.  Inhaler x 2 at 5

Forced coughing seems to loosen it up.  Then real cough clears it but nothing comes up. 

May 8. 

Had a great morning. Did a lot of furniture moving and you clean up. No issues. 

12:30 - inhaler x 2. Feeling a bit of the strain after. Berthing exercises. Triggered pain under left rib. 

Tough evening. Inhaler at 7:45 x2. A little dizzy. Had to regulate my breathing unless I was walking/moving around. Felt like I was not breathing enough. 

No chest tightness. Just felt like  I wasn't getting enough air. Small sharp pain under left pectoral near outside up. 

Relief at 8:30. 

May 9 chest soreness in bed below pectorals like rib cage. Went away when I walked around 

Had a little discomfort 10:30 to 11:30. Forced coughing and ricola helped. 

Same at 12:30 

Fine 1:00 to 2:15 so far. Ate too much. Pressure under ribs. 

5:15 pm. I've kept up a good pace today. No inhaler yet. Want to see if I can make a full day with out one with no repercussions. 

May 10th

Some slight issues before lunch on Sun porch. And again around 4:30. Maybe from computer again? Might have been food stuck in esophagus

May 11

Stomach pressure/ esophagus pressure sometimes causing issues. Later at night. Stayed up until 2 am was mostly fine no inhaler 

May 12th

Seems good today 8 am to noon

May 13 to 14 pretty good. A little may 14th at night. May have forgotten Claritin 14th and ate fried takeout. Diet Coke too. 

May 15 it's starting again. Minor SOB. Minor chest tightness and little pains w tingling. Some tickling cough and belly swelling. Usually this is what happens the day before the bad day. Going to focus on breathing a lot. Try to keep calm. 

1 pm took Pepcid to see if it eased stomach pressure on heart/lungs. Not sure yet

3 pm w cardiologist. Maybe it's stress from having this appointment and will go away. If not it has been 9 days since the last attack. That's 2 days longer. 

Was still more time w pressure than without. Bed at 2 am. Slept well. 

May 16th. Woke 7:30 am. Was not bad until eating (maybe too much?). May have to seriously cut back calories temporarily. 8 to noon was okay. Still some times w pressure, slight cough. Ate fried chicken sandwich at 11:30. Took Pepcid after. Let's see what happens. 

Was not great but not too bad. Eating definitely makes it flare up. Ricola helped going to try peppermint tea

May 17th

Did 3 hours weed wacking. Same pattern was okay but got harder past 5 pm

May 18th

Woke up w chest congestion, red eyes, a little chest tightness. Maybe from pollen and crap plus it's cloudy etc. 

May 19th had an attack at 5 pm. Managed to control it

May 20th bad GERD like symptoms after over eating 5 pm. 

21 and 22. GERD and SOB off and on. 

May 23rd. Great day so far (4:30) zero symptoms except allergy type stuff

24-27 okay days some w GERD. 27 no GERD. Felt good. 

28 - bad bad evening worst since ER. No racing heart but terrible GERD sensation, dizziness can't get full breath. O2 was excellent. BMP 80 to 90 resting. Dropped to 63 sleeping. Inhaler midnight. Helped

May 29 Rough morning. No pain but can't get full breath. Inhaler at 10 am helped a lot. Might have beef from driving car Forced coughing helped a lot. 2 on slight GERD. Ate chicken cordon bleu fir lunch just a little. 

Did okay at night. Made it through 2 am stream w little issue Inhaler x 4 today

May 30. Tough to breathe even w inhaler

9:30 am did some breathing excercises much better now

2 pm dizzy sick but water on face it went away. 

2:30 felt ok. 3 pm outside. Lower left ribs again. 

HEY LOOK FOR PATTERN: eat high fat high cholesterol food. Then nausea. Dizzy. BP and HR jump. Pain in chest. SOB lasts 3 hours. Next day trouble breathing all day. Next day lower left rib pain. A few good days. Eat junk/too much. Repeat. 

Water makes it easier. Ricola helps a lot. Tea w peppermint may help.  

4 pm. And like tgat it disappears. 

Did fine rest of the night just slight dizzy. No more inhaler. Did stream until 2 am. 

May 31. 

SOB no pain or pressure just lungs tickle. Why does green tea w peppermint work? Slight pain (ache) left pectoral closer to breast bone. 

11:30 I think I'm  fine now. 

2:40 pm woke up from nap w heartburn. Prilosec 

3:00. Bad attack. Sob. Dizzy. GERD feeling. Breathing exercises. Forced coughing. 3:45 Took ricola. Green and peppermint tea. Some relief by 4 pm

Not sure what the heck that was. Maybe heartburn w nap caused acid up then GERD plus crap in lungs. So frustrating. Such a bad end of the week. 

5 pm still happening but not as bad

6 pm feeling very light headed and shaky. Got bad again. Really bad. GERD dizzy

Was a very hard night until maybe 7 pm. GERD plus dizziness. Laying on side helped. 

Read that eating then laying down can cause all this. 

June 1

Feel okay but the cough n crap is there and I can feel the GERD wants to start again. 

June 2 -5 pretty good. Some cough. Some GERD. Got worse managing food and timing as week went on. 

June 6. Starting again. GERD. Dizzy. Slight pain left bottom rib. Little achey. 

June 7. Stopped taking the Turneric. 

 GERD went away!  Just mild cough. 

June 8 -10 mild cough. Some occasional

Dizziness. Slight heart burn at times. Started eating "normal". 

11 and 12 cough and uncomfortable chest

13 14 fine. 

15 great

16 chest and side 

Some chest/cough dizziness 

17 some chest and dizzzy

18 sob junk in lungs. Woke up 3:30 am out of breath. 

19 - 23 meh not bad

June 24-27 okay

June 28 sob rain

June 29 sob rain

June 30 half n half. Rain

July 1 - 3 sob and cough. Rain mostly

July 4. Not too bad. Able to cough up actual phlegm. 

5th - 7th. Not bad but cough and chest. 

8th getting weird. It's starting. 

9 kinda coughy day

10 not bad

11 normal morning. Got weird at night. 

12 and 13 bad breathing days w the second day being worse but better at night. 

14 nit bad

M

1. Worst day since May 31sr
2. Okay
3. Not bad

19 decent 20 almost nothing

21 to 23 good.

23 ribs weak and weird. 

24 chest and aches early.  7 pm went away

25 - okay to start then hit hard to breathe. 

26 was great until 1 pm. Then cough and dizzy. 

27-30 not

31 bad day dizzy cough chest rain

Aug 1 great!

Aug 2 great morning. 

Aug 3 - 4 no big issues

Aug 5 lungs sore 

Aug 6 not bad

Aug 7th slight cough and pressure

8th great day

9th outside Little Compton noon sob cough lung tightness. 

10-11 perfect nm min

12 rain clouds but okay so far

13-14 good days

15 good morning. Nap at 2. Woke up at 4 dizzy tough breathing. Low pressure/storm coming. Temp drop

16-22 6 days of normal!

22 - 25 all good a little cough on 25th

26-28 very good. 

29 medium SOB trying to nap. Dizziness later w pain lower left rib (rare now) and headache w cough. Not SUPER bad but worst day in a while. 

1. Sob headache. Evening aches. Stomach. 
2. Bad day

Sep 1 2 still tough but not bad. 

3-5 decent. Lung freeze/dizzy at times. 

9 lungs

10 pain lower ribs

11-12 discomfort in ribs sob

13-15 weird off and on w chest pressure/discomfort. 

16 feet swelling at night - Had McDonalds. Seems to happen when I do. 

Diet I. Sept was horrible plus I stopped taking Claritin. 

17 less swelling feet off upon waking like unsettled around noon had heart rate increase. Got worse up until 4:30 pm. Then seem to calm down mostly by 6:00 pm. 

Resumed taking Claritin 

1. Hard morning. Better after noon. Tge. Rough between 3 and 5. Felt good around 8. Did show until 2 am. Trouble sleeping. Felt like I stopped breathing. 

19 body felt horrible all day like a massive hangover mixed w severe dehydrated feel pain in kidneys and side. Felt a little better that night after 1 hr nap. Bad night of sleep. 

1. Couldn't  breath in morning. Felt okay after 11. Felt sick around 4. Had a bowel movement then half an hour later I felt great like I'd gotten a massage. Weird. 

1. Fine
2. Fine
3. Okay
4. Okay
5. Good
6. Great
7. Great
8. Great

29 good

30 good

Oct 1 good

Oct 2 a little weird around 1 pm thought it was coming on 

3-5 mild 

6 felt normal for a while. 

7 semi rough evening. Swelling in feet. Actually Coughed up really stuff

8 meh bad afternoons

9 coukdhybbreathe 3 to 6

10 okay

11-13 okay. Feet still weird. 

14 actually pretty good. 

15-18 actual normal

19 11 am breathing issues. But went Ba way

20 - 26. Wow. No bad days. 27 +28

29 severe dizziness and nausea at night. Trouble breathing off and on. Can't read. Got better later. 

30 SOB all day severe nausea later. Got better late but still there a bit. Better 8 pm to 2 am. Bad at 4 am

31 woke up okay then huge waves a dizzy/nausea. Went away mostly in an hour. Some SOB during day. By 7 pm was really upset because still sick. Went away by 8 pm

Nov 1st - morning was okay. Afternoon SOB but milder

Nov 2 - 6 off and on SOB w some dizziness. 

7,8 meh stomach and breathing 4 pms

9 normal. 

10 normal

December 3 - 5 bad. Typical symptoms. More dizzy/nausea, less SOB. SWELLING. pins n needles. 

Jan 5th off enalapril but by 8th had to be back on it. BP too high etc. 

January 8 and 9 th

Bad. Started w swelling days before then pins. Terrible heart rate BP partially fixed by back to enalapril but even then had a horrible night on 9th. Hot flashes felt like adrenaline rush. Even laying down 90 to 100 bps. Took and hour to fall asleep. 2 separate episodes. 

Jan 10-13 got better

Jan 14th racing heart hot flashes evening. QVAR started. Pain. Dizzy. Jan 15 16 SOB pretty bad cotton lung came back around 10th. Feels like April except attacks don't have hyperventilation. 

Jan 17 much better

VM Banana

https://medium.com/@themruntitled/voicemeeter-banana-tutorial-9515d05abe8d  

Mike's FB

Go look at what Mike's wife posted. It's a video.

'My Fenks' Asteroid Dumps Pity Party on Giant Satelite

Between the hours of 3 oz. bird chirping and Texarcana-Blindfold, a meaty-ore (Asteroid 'My Fenks') struck the planet MOON in its kisser. It left a crater about 1 wing span fat and 30 submarines low, causing Democrats to remark "Now THAT's a bigga nigga!"

Planet MOON could not be reached for comment.

In a related story, Evel Ka-Bovine cancelled her jump over the rouge planet, stating "I'm not going to milk this thing while the impact of this story is still being felt. It's all a little too veal for most folks right now, - an udder tragedy - and I don't want anyone having a beef with me about trying to outshine the MOOOOOOOOOOoooooon. Now that's some serious bullshit right there, you fucking whore!"

No one stood by on the corner denying this story.

Amen, brother.

Amen.

Hello World: Totally Useless First Post Sucks Morgan Freeman's Dick

Ever wonder what happens inside the pants? Chinese babies.

Look at this guy ------>>>>>>>

China. Baby.


China China Baby. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. China China Baby.

Step Off Useless

Oh Boy, Billy....*dickpalm*

Deez

You've Got Crabs

Ever wonder how to make a meme?

OMG

DOMJAP

Memesday

OH NOES! MAH WATUMELLINS???

Green Goblin Says...

I'll get you yet, AIDS baby!

#occupystevejobsisjesus Begins

A new group of protesters has emerged from the #occupy flock. The strong correlation between Apple users who think Steve Jobs is a modern day messiah, a god incarnate have created the movement to #occupystevejobsisjesus.

What are they occupying? No one knows, including them. Some favor a 4square #occupy, where protesters go to a bunch of locations and post to all their social media about what they would do there if they were protesting. Others just want to sit somewhere warm and play Angry Tits, or whatever dumb app they bought with mommy's credit card.

Steve Jobs is (was, now dead dead dead fuck him) part of the 1%, but supporters of #occupystevejobsisjesus don't care. "He's my soulmate," said Kate Mulgrew, a college student on dope. "He's only part of the 1% demographically. It's not his fault he got rich feeding all those starving children with his iLunch app."

One group claimed to have seen Jobs this morning, walking on water and begging them to 'feel his cancer' as proof it was him. But most won't go that far. #occupystevejobsisjesus is about change. Changing everyone over from PCs and Android phones to Apple Products because, as one protester put it, "Everything but what we say sucks including things we might have said before that were wrong."

Ameriblog SUCKS DICK!

It's true. Amriblog! sucks fat man genitals. Don't go there. USELESS!

pop FUCK

...,.,; pop: FUCK.

 

fuck wake pp wake me I hate her new lg
- lOll " york me "ft pp plumb polo .
...pp
.

po
 "

 Rt.  .

.
L

 Emeka Okafor
  .  .
B.c.

11 Useless Things To Say To Your Kids

Every parent makes mistakes. That's why only non-parents like me, who are mistake free, should give parenting advice. First off, don't bother talking to your kids. It never helps anything. If you HAVE to say anything to them, make it as useless as possible. Like these:

 

1. I'll kill you in front of all these people.

 

2. Santa's not coming this year. Daddy is.

 

3. Oh. Cry, little baby, cryyyyy!

 

4. Wanna go watch the dock get smaller?

 

5. Everybody dies. Usually at night in a fire. WOOSH!

 

6. There's a monster under your bed? I'll tell you where the real monsters are.... the unemployemnet office, where Daddy goes to beg for his manhood every Thursday. Fucking liberal moneyhoarding CUNTS!

 

7. Does your face hurt? No? *slap* Now?

 

8. See, mommy tricked us both. That's why I killed her.

 

9. I burried all your toys in the back yard. I think I can hear one or two still screaming for help.

 

10. A boo boo... Really? A boo boo? Look at this boo boo daddy got in the WAR you hippie!

 

11. Now, we're right down the hall if you get scared. But we really don't want to help you if you do, because you're adopted.

Useless Office Policies

There are many ways to run an office. All of them are USELESS. Here are some Useless Policies:

 

1. Office Pope Election

2. All hands on Phil Protocol.

3. Handbook B: Skippy's Revenge.

4. Casual Home Saturday

5. Lottery Layoffs.

6. Mass Mail Threats.

7. No Number 5 Use Policy

8. Live Sharpie Forehead Caption Contest.

9. Stairwell Jumping.

10. Bring Your Horse to Work Day.

11. Birthday? Butt Day!

12. Allowz-a-Rape Icebreaker (Daily)

13. Bathroom Downtime Outages.

14. Company Family Lynching.

15. Avoid Darryl.

16. Copy Everything Over Week.

17. Temps Go To jail First.

18. White Girl Blues Kareoke Night.

19. Hate It? Flush It!

 

Implemented... stat.

Totally Useless Movie Plot Holes

1. In Schindler's List there is a scence of Germans eating dinner. Uh, yeah, like that happened.

2. The term defication is used 118 times in Driving Miss Daisy. People of that era used the polite euphamism 'Conking Brown Courts' to describe their bowel movements, not defication.

3. Titanic was shot in the wrong ocean and you can totally tell when they're drowning and it's all Pacific for miles.

4. In Saving Private Ryan there's a scene where Private Ryan is eating a Big Mac and telling everyone to buy Bic Macs and eat them. That's not saving him.

5. In Vanity od the Bonfiers, Willem Defoe is not in any scene at all. Come on. Seriously?

6. In Michael Moore's I Fuck Homeless Men for Pennies, half of the men live in a house.

7. In Sweeney Todd people are murdered. It's totally sick, you should rent it.

8. While filming Beat Street Hip Hop mogul Roger Starback threw 22 touchdowns to only 8 interceptions in the regular season.

Punk Ass Lunar Shit

What Ben Could Have Done

The Superbowl was yesterday. We at the TUB watched it, variously and alone, and we think the Steelies should have won. If Ben Rothlisberger had...

 

- Bought the football a few drinks.

- Had the Penn State Troopers protect him instead of his linemen.

- Escorted Jarrett Bush to the ladies room and raped him.

- Run faster from number five-o like he did in Georgia.

- Bet some hooker he was going to lose.

- Had sex with his sister AFTER the game.

- Not been a total douche of an abortion.

- Put more Jesus in his press conferences.

- Let Charlie Batch play instead of him.

- Leanred to make a pass instead of forcing it into tight holes.

- Leanred Karate (which means open hand in Japanese)

- Stuck to softcore and not gotten the AIDS.

- Taught that bitch a lesson by NOT giving her what she was asking for.

- Given less tongue to Hines Ward.

- Been Tom Brady.

 

In closing, he's a rapist and should be getting gang banged in prison.

More Useless Superheros

Ghost Arab
Perferated Sheild
Tammy Pax
The Googler
The Shiester!
Groan Pains
Evelyn Solar Wind
Egyptian Green Comando
The Last Grandma
Cement Face
Trickling Trickster
Fur Boat
Dragon Eel
Muslim Rummy
Group Hug

Hooray for Science!

Here is America's science fucking:
















SUCK A DICK FOR JESUS!

So, Hillary...

Tell us how you really feel about our Prisident....

VOTE!

Here's My Useless Favorite for Flak

My Homeys

The Admiral Post 75 Years of Age

10 More Totally Useless Superheroes

1. Giganticockus
2. W.A.R.T.
3. Animal House
4. The Crimson Sea Dancer
5. Slippy Tits
6. Baron Von Flourmaker
7. Spacebar
8. The Six Hundred Dollar Man
9. Paychexxx
10. Carmine The Extortionist

BONUS: The Spicy Anus

Time for a Useless Commercial Break

Useless Sport

Useless Lobbying

This letter will be sent by moms on behalf of their kids in 10 to 15 years:

 

"Dear Visa Max Super Trouble Card,

 

You have provided my son with a credit card account. While I understand that you work very hard to help all of your customers pay on time, I wanted to address a few 'issues' with you. my son has ADHD. It's a biological condition caused by chemical imbalances which he cannot control. Many of his delinquencies are not his fault. For instance, recently, you gave him a 'late charge' for forgetting to pay in January. While I understand that most children are able to remember to pay 'on time', ADHD makes it very difficuly for him to remember every month. Giving him a late charge makes him feel worthless and does NOT encourage him to pay on time, it only makes him more upset. Nobody 'wins' when you do this.

 

Further, having a collection agency call at all hours to threaten him is beyond reasonable. This is a violation of his rights. He's just a boy with feelings like everyone else. Why should it matter when and how much he pays as long as he's trying? You have taken away his right to buy the things he wants because he doesn't fit the mold of your other customers. Let me tell you something. He's special. He's kind. He's a good kid. He just pays differently than most people do.

 

I am writing a letter to congress, the Better Business Bureau and cc-ing my attorney about this. We have tried to explain this to you before, but clearly, you are more interested in money than the well being of our child. If you had a child like this, you'd understand. You might think you're 'just doing your job', but at what cost? The cost of a 32 year old boy's sense of self worth and his dignity. His friends all make fun of him when you send those 'final notice' letters. This has to stop.

 

As I've said, we've tried to be reasonable, but you are the 4th credit card company we've had to deal with about this and our patience is wearing thin. Please take the time to make modifications to your payment schedule, your policies and your attitude when dealing with our son. It's this sort of discrimination that ensures he will fail to pay, when you could be encouraging him to pay through adapting your draconian policies to the people who pay your salary.

 

If you wish to discuss this, call me, not him, at 555-555-5551 between the hours of 4 and 5 pm this Friday and I will explain to you why this is necessary and beneficial for everyone involved.

 

Regards,

 

 

 

Enabling Mother"

 

Now, if I can just forge my mom's signature....

Totally Useless Movie

Ramadan Begins

 

8:22 pm ALLAH TV: High in the snowy hills of Mecca, a young man learns the ways of martial arts from a criminal organization know as the Hassassin. After being forced to kill a man, he escapes and becomes the greatest infidel fighter in religious history: Mohammed Man. TV MA SLV.

10 Things You Need But Never Have At The Office

1. Home Proctology Kit (for her).

2. Can of 'Fancy' homestyle beans.

3. Discrimination Gun with Instructions.

4. The Immortal Words of Knute Rockney.

5. Benzos, man, fucking BENZOS!

6. An ejection seat (for her).

7. Boss Jerky (any flavor)

8. A strand of bloody bandages without your DNA on it.

9. Bob Ross

10. A feeling of self worth that comes from doing a good job, being recognized as a valued partner in organizational goals, and fulfilling your lifelong dreams in a worthwhile career. And a noose.

Yes, THAT waterballoon fight, Mitch!

Useless Xhibit

Wise Squirrel Hawks Will Guide Us.

CREATIONISM!

The TUB Salutes NSFW!!!!

Useless Hitman Monkey

Useless Brett Favre

I, uh, had a little talk with our friend Brett Favre. It was distubring. Take a look:

BF: Hiya doin, Doc.

Doc: Hi Brett Favre. How are you?

BF: Freakin tired. I been sloppin out pig sty an a ridin my trakter.. you know, burp.

Doc: Got ya. Says here you're retired as of today. That right, Law Dog?

BF: Yup. Plumb retired. I'm tired. You're tired. He's tired. Re-tired. Savvy?

Doc: Got it. This has nothing to do with LeBron James right?

BF: Nope. Don't care bout fame ner money. Just love playin foopball. Now I'm gonna stop playin foopball.

Doc: Well, what if I told you that the Minnesota Vikings are willing to pay you an additional $3 million and give you a 30 minute press conference, a DATELINE exclusive, and a special on ESPN called 'The Return'?

BF: Do I get a dance party?

Doc: Yup.

BF: Git er dun son. I'm playin foopball 'gain.

And so, as you might well know, Bretty decided to come by my place for a few drinks and some sex. At first, he said he'd retired from all that, but I waved a 20 dollar bill at him and a camera and it was up Old Mustard Road we went.

Murk