#occupystevejobsisjesus Begins

A new group of protesters has emerged from the #occupy flock. The strong correlation between Apple users who think Steve Jobs is a modern day messiah, a god incarnate have created the movement to #occupystevejobsisjesus.

What are they occupying? No one knows, including them. Some favor a 4square #occupy, where protesters go to a bunch of locations and post to all their social media about what they would do there if they were protesting. Others just want to sit somewhere warm and play Angry Tits, or whatever dumb app they bought with mommy's credit card.

Steve Jobs is (was, now dead dead dead fuck him) part of the 1%, but supporters of #occupystevejobsisjesus don't care. "He's my soulmate," said Kate Mulgrew, a college student on dope. "He's only part of the 1% demographically. It's not his fault he got rich feeding all those starving children with his iLunch app."

One group claimed to have seen Jobs this morning, walking on water and begging them to 'feel his cancer' as proof it was him. But most won't go that far. #occupystevejobsisjesus is about change. Changing everyone over from PCs and Android phones to Apple Products because, as one protester put it, "Everything but what we say sucks including things we might have said before that were wrong."