Useless Things You Can Do if you spot a terrorist!

• Start screaming "HE'S RAPING MY AMERICA!" over and over. Let's face it. Simply yelling FIRE, BOMB or HELP is not going to work because we're all selfish assholes. Especially you, Glenn.
  
• Call Domino's Pizza and have 50 meat lovers pies delivered to the terrorist's house. That'll show 'em!
• Force him to watch every Ben Affleck movie ever made. It might take a few sessions but he'll become one of us soon enough.
• Fax, mail or email him 10,000 pages of information on Women's Rights and the US Suffrage Movement during the 19th and 20th century. He'll be so horrified that he'll forget all about his terror plot and run home like a screaming idiot.
  
• Ask the President to invite the terrorist to the White House for beers. It worked once. It'll work again.
  
• Take the terrorist out on a nice dinner date and then never call him back.
• Drop a four-story containment dome on his head. Oh, wait, scratch that. BP already took that idea.
  
• Sell his hopes and dreams on eBay for $1.25.
• Have him put in a cell with Ted Kaczynski. That crazy fuckbomber's know it all attitude will make anyone want to cut their own head off.
• Get him a job working as a consumer telemarketer. He will be begging for freedom and forgiveness within 25 dials.
  
• Call a redneck. Problem solved.