Thursday, May 6, 2010

Alaska still struggling after Exxon spill

Cordova, Alaska (NEWSBOYS) -- For third-generation fisherman John Platt, the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill is a financial and psychological nightmare that won't end.

Three years after the 11 million-gallon spill in Prince William Sound blackened 1,500 miles of Alaska coastline, the herring on which he and other Cordova fishermen heavily relied disappeared from the area. Platt and some others stuck around, fishing for salmon and hoping things would improve.

The herring never returned to Cordova. Platt's income plummeted, severely straining his marriage and psyche. He dipped into his sons' college funds to support his family.

"People's lives were ruined," Platt said. "There were damn good fishermen here in the Sound, and they just said, 'Screw it' and left, and tried to make a living elsewhere."

What else has Alaska struggled with?
  • That asshole Wolverine. OH, LIKE WE DON'T KNOW YOU'RE A MUTANT.
  • Well, you could pretty much write an identical article about Sarah Fucking Palin and her whole redneck crew.
  • Most residents were only told Alaska had become a state in 1998. That was actually the tagline of then governor Tony Knowles. "Become A State in '98." They all believed it. AGAIN.
  • Too many trees. Not enough "bull-dykes."
  • How about the fact that ANWR sounds like some horrible strain of rotavirus?
  • It's so fucking cold up there that they blame heat waves on their lakes and not, you know, THE SUN.
  • They only got FIOS last week.
  • In McGrath, they are STILL paying nine fucking dollars for a gallon of gas. I mean, it's worse than Massachusetts. That's humiliating.
  • Charles Widmore showed up on the beaches of Kodiak and started setting up electro-magnetic emission generating towers. AND JUST WHERE THE FUCK IS JACK!?!?
  • Two Iditarod mushers tested positive for drugs. No, seriously. Two Iditarod mushers tested positive for drugs.

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