Carbohydrates Destroy Cancer Cells

In a medical breakthrough, scientists have announced that carbohydrates from white bread and crackers kill cancer cells outright and cure every known type of the disease forever. This breakthrough came after studying a guy who thought he might have cancer and found out he didn't. Max Peephole of Watersports, Michigan went to his doctor this past Monday for his bi weekly cancer test.

 

"The cancer is just gone," he said, "Completely gone. I just ate a toast and cracker sandwich and the cancer went away." When asked if he had ever had cancer in the first place he said, "Hell no! I eat white bread and get my checkups! You think I'm a fucking dick?"

 

Dr. Leibnitz Givashits has treated Max for several years. "His lack of cancer has been astounding. I figured for sure he'd have it by now. What's taking so long?" he asked.

 

"Max east white bread and crackers," a medical expert from the zoo said. "Cancer free baby. It's the carbs, dude." Others are skeptical. Some idiot from Atkins, South Doctorsota, calls the results into question. "Just because one guy eats white bread and doesn't get cancer means nothing. It's not like I'm going to eat nothing but crackers and white bread for weeks on end because I have ass cancer. Or will I?"

 

Ass cancer spreads from the balls to the throat in a matter of seconds if not treated with refine white flour applied to the sqainum liberally with some oil and garlic. Maybe some red pepper. Max, on the other hand, never got ass cancer because he ate white bread all the fucking time. And he doesn't regret it.

 

"Hell, I love white bread and crackers and I hate cancer, so, what's to regret?" he said. We said syphilis, and he shut right the hell up. Told him.

 

Scientists caution that More research needs to be done before the We Killed Cancer parade scheduled to air on ABC later this evening. "Let's not have a complete bug eyed retard fit here. White bread and crackers, yum. But eat a few pickles for good measure too," AncerCay GayAway's spokesperson said. "You just might end up picking shit out of your molars if you get it in the ass."