Things to do in Walmart

If you ever have to go to Walmart, and you decide to act like a complete fucking freak monkey, here are some confusing tactics:

• Ask every single sales associate where you can find the blue light specials.
  
• Start yelling "IMMAGINTS ARE STEALING MY JOBS!"
• Take a shit in the toilet displays. Read a People Magazine while doing it.
  
• Find a middle aged, overweight woman, smack her on the ass and say (in a drunken like voice) "I'd tap that ass."
• Marvel at all the plumbing parts while exclaiming "I had no idears that y'all had this in yer homes."
• Get a bike pump, inflate 15 inner tubes and try to hula-hoop them all at once.
  
• Insist that you be allowed to try on clothes inside one of the tents on display. When they refuse, tell them that you're allowed to do it at Target.
• Fertilize the automotive aisle. Use Scott's Turf Builder + Weed Control for best results.
• Put on a dress. Ride a girls bike.
• Ask the sales associate in computers "how much does the softwares for the internets cost?"
  
• Go through the same checkout aisle at least 10 times in a row and keep buying the same pack of gum over and over. Act each time like you made it out to your car and realized you forgot to buy a pack of gum.
  
• Smoke a butt, buy some diapers.
  
• Ask if you can put your kids on layaway. Insist you'll be back to pick them up in two weeks.
  
• Microwave a swimsuit for 15 seconds and then put it on. I would suggest you let out a nice long and loud sigh as you slip into the suit.
  
• Ask over and over where they keep the adult sized Underoos. Start throwing a tantrum.
  
• Go to customer service and complain about the Republicans.
• Run really fast around the store quoting out lines from Star Wars out loud. Stick to lines from the Battle of Yavin. "I can't shake 'em!"
• Light a tiki torch and carry a pitch fork. When you see someone of a different ethnicity, look at them, scowl and say "get a rope."
• Ask where they keep the used ladies Birkenstocks.
  
• If someone says hello to you, simply reply with "Chicken Moon!"