VOTE!

Here's My Useless Favorite for Flak

My Homeys

The Admiral Post 75 Years of Age

10 More Totally Useless Superheroes

1. Giganticockus
2. W.A.R.T.
3. Animal House
4. The Crimson Sea Dancer
5. Slippy Tits
6. Baron Von Flourmaker
7. Spacebar
8. The Six Hundred Dollar Man
9. Paychexxx
10. Carmine The Extortionist

BONUS: The Spicy Anus

Time for a Useless Commercial Break

Useless Sport

Useless Lobbying

This letter will be sent by moms on behalf of their kids in 10 to 15 years:

 

"Dear Visa Max Super Trouble Card,

 

You have provided my son with a credit card account. While I understand that you work very hard to help all of your customers pay on time, I wanted to address a few 'issues' with you. my son has ADHD. It's a biological condition caused by chemical imbalances which he cannot control. Many of his delinquencies are not his fault. For instance, recently, you gave him a 'late charge' for forgetting to pay in January. While I understand that most children are able to remember to pay 'on time', ADHD makes it very difficuly for him to remember every month. Giving him a late charge makes him feel worthless and does NOT encourage him to pay on time, it only makes him more upset. Nobody 'wins' when you do this.

 

Further, having a collection agency call at all hours to threaten him is beyond reasonable. This is a violation of his rights. He's just a boy with feelings like everyone else. Why should it matter when and how much he pays as long as he's trying? You have taken away his right to buy the things he wants because he doesn't fit the mold of your other customers. Let me tell you something. He's special. He's kind. He's a good kid. He just pays differently than most people do.

 

I am writing a letter to congress, the Better Business Bureau and cc-ing my attorney about this. We have tried to explain this to you before, but clearly, you are more interested in money than the well being of our child. If you had a child like this, you'd understand. You might think you're 'just doing your job', but at what cost? The cost of a 32 year old boy's sense of self worth and his dignity. His friends all make fun of him when you send those 'final notice' letters. This has to stop.

 

As I've said, we've tried to be reasonable, but you are the 4th credit card company we've had to deal with about this and our patience is wearing thin. Please take the time to make modifications to your payment schedule, your policies and your attitude when dealing with our son. It's this sort of discrimination that ensures he will fail to pay, when you could be encouraging him to pay through adapting your draconian policies to the people who pay your salary.

 

If you wish to discuss this, call me, not him, at 555-555-5551 between the hours of 4 and 5 pm this Friday and I will explain to you why this is necessary and beneficial for everyone involved.

 

Regards,

 

 

 

Enabling Mother"

 

Now, if I can just forge my mom's signature....

Totally Useless Movie

Ramadan Begins

 

8:22 pm ALLAH TV: High in the snowy hills of Mecca, a young man learns the ways of martial arts from a criminal organization know as the Hassassin. After being forced to kill a man, he escapes and becomes the greatest infidel fighter in religious history: Mohammed Man. TV MA SLV.

10 Things You Need But Never Have At The Office

1. Home Proctology Kit (for her).

2. Can of 'Fancy' homestyle beans.

3. Discrimination Gun with Instructions.

4. The Immortal Words of Knute Rockney.

5. Benzos, man, fucking BENZOS!

6. An ejection seat (for her).

7. Boss Jerky (any flavor)

8. A strand of bloody bandages without your DNA on it.

9. Bob Ross

10. A feeling of self worth that comes from doing a good job, being recognized as a valued partner in organizational goals, and fulfilling your lifelong dreams in a worthwhile career. And a noose.

Yes, THAT waterballoon fight, Mitch!

Useless Xhibit

Wise Squirrel Hawks Will Guide Us.

CREATIONISM!

The TUB Salutes NSFW!!!!

Useless Hitman Monkey

Useless Brett Favre

I, uh, had a little talk with our friend Brett Favre. It was distubring. Take a look:

BF: Hiya doin, Doc.

Doc: Hi Brett Favre. How are you?

BF: Freakin tired. I been sloppin out pig sty an a ridin my trakter.. you know, burp.

Doc: Got ya. Says here you're retired as of today. That right, Law Dog?

BF: Yup. Plumb retired. I'm tired. You're tired. He's tired. Re-tired. Savvy?

Doc: Got it. This has nothing to do with LeBron James right?

BF: Nope. Don't care bout fame ner money. Just love playin foopball. Now I'm gonna stop playin foopball.

Doc: Well, what if I told you that the Minnesota Vikings are willing to pay you an additional $3 million and give you a 30 minute press conference, a DATELINE exclusive, and a special on ESPN called 'The Return'?

BF: Do I get a dance party?

Doc: Yup.

BF: Git er dun son. I'm playin foopball 'gain.

And so, as you might well know, Bretty decided to come by my place for a few drinks and some sex. At first, he said he'd retired from all that, but I waved a 20 dollar bill at him and a camera and it was up Old Mustard Road we went.

Murk

Useless USDA Advertisement

Useless Revenge on Japan

What Does A Paperpants Do In Winter?

More Chairswing, Bitch!

What Do Fat Kids Like Better Than Naked Women?

Useless Tripping Lizard