Today's Useless Everyday Pranks!

• Pop goes the abortion!
• "Yo' Momma's dead, boy!"
• Midnight drunken steam engine driving test!
• Ship yourself to work via Fed-Ex Ground!
• Insist you're black! (or white, yellow, brown, whatever)
• "Honey, I have AIDS, and I got it from Steve!"
• Tell everyone this is YOUR Totally Useless Blog!
• Drive through jerk off! YEEEHAAWWW!
• Guinea Pig Frozen TV Dinner!
• Pretend to be an Disabled Jewish Freemasons!
• Sugar my gastank!
• Go to work as a grocery bagger!
• "I think you should know... this is my first time."
• Colonoscopy gone wrong... horribly, horribly wrong!
• "Pee" the bed (but use high octane gasoline!)
• How about a little game I like to call "insane evil laugh during communion at Saturday Mass" OH YEAH!
• Play "Hooray for Heroin" with your parents!
• Not Fight Club... ICE CREAM CAKE CLUB!
• Call a local television news channel and tell them that J.K. Rowling, that bitch, stole your ideas for Harry Potter and that you actually wrote a book years ago called "Holy Muggle, Holy Wand!"
• If anyone asks... you are John Rhys Davies!
• Form a stupid gang and challenge other gangs to a "dance off!"
• Know someone under house arrest? Call them every 30 minutes to see if they want to go to a movie!
• Go to Friendly's and be a fucking asshole.