Ten Totally Useless News Stories

1. Olive Oil Rig Explosion in the Mediterranean Sea
   
2. Category 5 Whorenado strikes Kansas City
3. Ecoterrorists attack local Benjamin Moore Paint Store
4. Betty White sells sequin blouses on HLN
5. President Obama hosts historic peace summit between Ronald McDonald and Chuck E. Cheese
6. Bret Michaels suffers massive headband hemorrhage
7. Philly cop intentionally Tazers his own balls
8. Something happens in the British government
   
9. Arizona passes law that requires prison guards to ask inmates "who wants a mustache ride?"
10. 100 feared dead in every day Libya