Ten Useless Things you probably don't want to say on voice mail

1. Dude, your Mom feels sooo good.
2. I'm going to kill you and no one will ever know it was me. MUAHAHA! Hello?
   
3. (singing) Happy Hitler to you! Happy Hitler to you! Happy Hitler dear frauline! Happy Hitler to you!
   
4. So, no, I didn't wear protection. But, I figured, hey, when am I ever going to get back to Haiti?
5. My iPhone is going to fuck your Blackberry and there's not a god damn thing you can do about it.
   
6. Uhhhhh... uhhhh... almost there.... almost... UHhhh!
7. Dear Jesus. FUCK OFF AND DIE AGAIN, WOULD YOU? Christ!
8. Sorry, honey, but I'm going to get home even later than I thought tonight because Hooters has extended their hours.
9. Hello, my name is________ and I am looking to purchase a massive amount of cocaine so I can start dealing it to underage students at the local high school. Please call me back with your rates and availability. Thank you.
   
10. Holy shit, I am so fucking drunk right now. Wait... what exit was I supposed to take to get to your street? Whatever. I'll figure it out after I do this shot.